Children spend inordinate amounts of time learning how to do rudimentary things like walking, eating, brushing their teeth, and tying shoe laces. The first few times that a child does something new, even if it’s something as simple as dressing themselves, the process involves thousands of very conscious nano-decisions ... cont.

When that parent severs the connection with the child for an uncomfortable length of time, it’s natural for the child to assume that the parent’s behaviour is normal and that there must be something inherently something wrong with the child's own behaviour or way of being ... cont.

... This means that children often need to suppress their tears and to ignore ‘inconvenient’ feelings. If, for example, neediness, clumsiness, irritability, or independence, triggers a parent, then those personality traits need to be submerged, or the parent will involuntarily withdraw from the child, emotionally ... cont.